So I wanted to post last night because I've missed a few days but wasn't feeling well and decided to do it early this morning.. Last night as I was laying in bed attempting to go to sleep I was so angry!! SO ANGRY! I just couldn't get over how selfish and crappy some people can be.. How did I get to this point you ask? Let me start with my morning.
I woke up yesterday with hardly any sleep because my 12 year old woke me up at 2am with so much pain he couldn't keep it together. After sitting with him a few hours and getting him calm I finally went back to bed and slept for about 3 hours. When I woke up at 6 I took a shower drove Jesse to work and then came back.. Listened to my son Sam and daughter Lexi fight for 45 minutes until it was finally time to get them to school. After we dropped them off I called the doctor's office to get Tom in to see someone and of course his doctor is in loveland and I knew if I didn't eat I would be awful crappy and scare everyone away LOL! As I was driving I noticed out of the corner of my eye a man I've seen before, A man who I recognized by his bike trailer full of clothing trash etc and his big american flag flying high off the back. I pulled over pulled out my cell phone to check my balance in my checking account and I had $17 and some change left, As I pulled through starbucks to grab some breakfast I looked at the menu and thought of this man I'd seen before how I never see him beg or plead but just ride around cold and hungry... And so my day began!
I purchased a cup of coffee with sugar and cream on the side, a loaded oatmeal, a banana, and a breakfast sandwich. This pretty much wiped out the money I have give or take $5. As I pulled away from starbucks looking in all directions for my friend with the bike trailer I saw him huddled in a corner by a closed store and proceeded to park next to him as I stepped out of my truck I said "good morning" And offered him the breakfast as he quickly accepted and gently took the food from my hands I explained that I see him around and will keep my eyes open for him again. I wished him well and got back in my truck. As I pulled away he was grinning ear to ear one tooth on the left side missing and his hands blue from the cold. Then that warm feeling of being able to help someone who truely needs it came over me and I wasn't hungry anymore.I love that feeling! As we drove away my son Tom asked me "mom why did you do that" I said Tom that man served out country he is just like the rest of us only he's homeless and I know if it were me I would hope that someone could help. There is no reason he doesn't deserve a hot meal (even if starbucks was the best i could do) He nodded and I explained that most of the homeless you see in this town aren't for real.. If they will accept a food offering you know they need it if they refuse don't trust them. Wouldn't you all agree?
As my day progressed we went to the doctor, visited my mom and helped her with house stuff and came home. I finally got Tom settled and comfortable and decided to get some things done around the house while I had the chance.. My chance lasted roughly 5 minutes because my phone wouldn't stop ringing! I had to talk to the realtor and the inspector and my husband and mom and had so many things on my plate at that very moment I was just to overwhelmed to clean up. I am super excited for my mom she purchased a home and will be able to move in upon a good inspection! So the phone calls and non cleaning were well worth it.
After all of this, the running didn't stop it was already 2:45 which meant I needed to pick up Jesse from work then go straight to the school to pick up the kids! You have those days where you feel like you just don't sit down? Terrible right! we got home about 4pm and at this point my phone had died and was on the charger so i did my thing ate watched some TV with the kids gave them a bath and put them to bed oh did i mention that i fell asleep during TV and forgot about the comment game i was supposed to be in.. Ya way to go Kellie way to go! Oh well it was to late and I was to tired so I laid down on my bed and starting talking to my husband while i was sitting there I turned on my phone and waited for it to boot up so I could set my alarm. When it finally booted I saw I had 2 messages so i jumped over only to see that they were from K (the lady I nanny for) these 2 messages really upset me!! The first one was Hey kel hope Tom is ok can you watch Henry tomorrow because he couldn't come today.. second one a few hours later said Hey hon- watch henry tomorrow D has a doctor appointment. And as I read the final words I got really pissed off like raging pissed off! ok prepare yourself people because I'm about to go off.. Are you ready???
WHy the hell am I supposed to give a rats ass about David having to go to a doctor's appointment when I have had their child with me on all my doctor's appointments and all my kid's doctor's appointments? Why do I care? He needs to figure out a way to take this 2 year old with him as I have to take him everywhere I go on the days I have him OH did I mention I have to make my 4 year old son sit without a carseat because I have no carseat for the kid :( Yet again having to put him first also this nasty illness we have guess where it came from?? Yeah you guessed it she brought the sick kid over here 5 days last week and we caught his nasties!! Why do I do this is what I keep asking myself when someone doesn't care about my feeling's or my family or if my children will get ill from their coodies? Why the hell do I do this is I am making $2.71 an hour!!! I'll tell you why.. #1 thing I learned about myself today... I'm weak.. yes I'm weak I know the kid needs me so I can't say no but I also can't go on like this being taken advantage of I just can't I have to many people who rely on me and count on me and I can't worry about this kid he has parents who needs to be his parents. #2 thing I learned I'm far to nice and not outspoken enough. and #3 I'm angry!
I'm so angry about all this and I have to grow some cahones and defend myself so my friends help me do that help me find a way to not be weak. I am a kind person who sometimes let's my emotions get the best of me and then end up in a bad situation so please I beg you help me to find a way to stand up for myself and not feel bad about this! With that said I have to find a way to stay the kind person I am but not get walked on.. Suggestions would be fantastic! But for now I must run I have a 2 year old screaming and a 4 year old teasing and 3 big kids bickering about who get's shotgun LOL so my friends much love to all of you off I go and will write again tonight!
xoxoxo
Mommy from planet KrAZy!
kellie... o kellie.. i have no advice but i do love your ranting!
ReplyDeletei can say this, you are a great role model for the child you nanny. he sees your example and learns from your actions. you are a positive influence in his life. that is priceless. i get that his parents put themself before the child. you put your family first.